


Once

by glowydean



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Brooklyn, Drug Use, Drugs, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Baggage, Exile, Friendship, Gen, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, New York City, Nightmares, Possible Relationship Between Steve/Tony, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 00:49:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowydean/pseuds/glowydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has returned to Asgard only to be painfully stripped of his power, his name, and his memories.  He is banished to Migard, cursed to live the life of an outcast and beggar until someone recognizes him for who he is.  Enter Steve Rogers, tired of fighting and tired of being alone, plagued by bad dreams and memories of a time long gone.  Will the good Captain be able to see through the layers of filth to see what is buried beneath? Or will he push Loki to the curb, as everyone else has done before him? (WIP)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not really sure where I'm going with this yet. Just something that's been dancing around in my head for a while and I needed to get it out of my brain.

  
_part of me has died_   
_and won't return_   
_and part of me wants to hide_   
_the part that's burned_   
_once, once_   
_knew how to talk to you_   
_once, once_   
_but not anymore_   


* * *

Odin stared at Loki with his one good eye. Disgust was wrought deeply into every wrinkle and blemish upon the old God's face.

Next to him stood Frigga, beautiful and sad, as she gazed upon the faces of her two beloved sons.

Thor stood next to his brother, holding on tightly to the thin, gold chain that had been wrapped around Loki's wrists.

Loki stood next to his brother and stared up at Odin defiantly. His mouth was still sealed shut but it did not take a genius to see that if Loki's mouth had been freed he would be smiling, maliciously.

"Remove this…contraption," Odin said waving his hand brusquely.

Thor allowed the gold chain to drop to the ground and it tinkled quietly as it fell to the cold marble below their feet. He reached into his pocket and removed the special key that Stark had given him before he had departed from Migard. He stood behind Loki and inserted the small, oddly shaped instrument into the little hole at the base of the mask. It made a strange hissing sound as the gears released themselves and the mask suddenly hung limply from Loki's face. Thor gingerly removed the mask from Loki's face and gasped softly when he saw the red marks that stood out angrily against Loki's pale skin. There was dried blood at both corners of Loki's mouth.

Thor, with surprising tenderness, held Loki's chin and inspected the wounds. "Stark assured me that this device would cause you no pain," he said angrily.

Loki sneered and pulled away from Thor.

"Why didn't you let me know, brother?" Thor asked.

Loki rolled his eyes. "I like the pain," he spat. "Besides, how was I to let you know if my mouth was clamped shut?" he asked.

Thor turned to his parents and bowed. "Father, mother, I present to you, Loki Odinson," he said formally.

"Loki  _Laufeyson_ ," Loki corrected, the bitterness not hidden in his voice.

"Loki Laufeyson," Thor corrected.

"What is it that troubles you, Loki?" Odin asked.

Loki chuckled. "Where should I begin? Perhaps I could start at the point where I realized that you have been lying to me for my entire life!" Loki said angrily.

Odin sighed. "I already explained to you…"

"What you said to me was a lie," Loki said bitterly.

"We loved you. We never treated you any differently from Thor," Odin said.

Loki laughed. "Are you completely blind, old man? Did you lose all of your sense along with you bloody eye?"

"Loki, do not speak to your father in that tone," Frigga said.

"He is not my father," Loki snapped. Loki looked at Frigga and then at Odin. "He is not my father and  _you_  are not my mother."

Frigga gasped softly at the words that spilled from Loki's mouth like bitter seeds.

Loki turned to face Thor. "And you…you are the worst of them all," he said icily. He lifted his hands and showed Thor the thin golden chains on his wrists. "You think these will hold me for much longer?" he asked.

Thor was unable to respond. His face was a canvas of sadness and his lip trembled.

"Loki you know you are my brother," he began.

Loki waved him off. "Please spear me the speech," he said. "I have never belonged here," he said as he looked around the large, empty hall. "I have never belonged anywhere," he said quietly.

Frigga walked down the three small steps and stood before her son. He was a head taller than her and she had to look up into his eyes. "You did not come from my flesh, but know you have been as dear to me as Thor," she said.

Loki smiled a sweet smile. He lifted his hand and touched Frigga's chin and looked directly into her eyes. "I am glad that I did not slither from between your legs, a dark place I am sure. I am most glad that I am not the offspring of some weak seed from a sad fuck," he said nastily.

Frigga stepped back in horror. Without realizing it her hand rose up and she slapped Loki on the face,  _hard._

The sound echoed in the large room and there was a red handprint on Loki's cheek.

There were tears in Frigga's eyes. "You are a fool," she said.

"Slap me again," Loki said through gritted teeth.

"Stop this madness, Loki," Thor pleaded.

"Why should I? Why should I not return to you all everything you have given to me? Every sleepless night, every tear I shed, every birthday that went uncelebrated, every triumph, overshadowed by you and your greatness," Loki said looking at Thor.

Tears shimmered in Thor's eyes and he looked away from Loki.

Loki's green eyes were blazing with anger. "You cannot even look at me," he said.

"Your words hurt me, brother. What do you get from being cruel to others? What type of satisfaction do you receive from saying these words to your mother? To the woman who raised you to be a king?" Thor asked.

Loki looked down, his face a cold, hard mask. "I thought I was born to be a king. I thought that I was born to rule, but I realize now…that I am a demon," Loki said quietly. "Some men are born to be kings. I am not one of them," he said.

Odin observed Loki sadly. "I had high hopes for you, for what you could bring to our kingdom. I thought that by raising you here as one of us, it would show that we are not so different, us and them, us and the frost giants. But now, you have proven to me that no amount of time spent with a loving family can rehabilitate you or your kind. You are monsters, born in the dark, in the ice, in the cold. I should have left you where I found you. Your cries would have been silenced by the howling winds and you would have died right in that temple along with the others, and I would not be standing here today…"

"Father," Thor said.

Odin raised his hand and silenced Thor.

There were tears in Loki's eyes but he smiled nonetheless. He clapped slowly and laughed as the tears ran down his cheeks and hung on his chin. "Bravo. Doesn't it feel good to get all of that venom out of your system, old man? How many times have you rehearsed that speech in your head over the years? Perhaps from the moment you brought me here you realized that one day you would say those words to me," Loki said.

"I have kept them as close as a prayer," Odin said.

Loki chuckled.

"Have I said something to amuse you?" Odin thundered.

Loki looked up at him and for a moment, he was young again, he was innocent and wide eyed, he was a child. "Did you ever really love me?" Loki asked his voice thick with implications.

Odin licked his lips. "Once," he whispered.

"Where do we go from here,  _father_?" Loki asked, twisting the word like a knife in Odin's side.

"It is you who will go," Odin said in a weary voice.

Thor looked up to his father. "What do you mean to do, father?" he asked.

"I plan to send him away, my son," Odin said.

Odin thrust his hand forward and Loki cried out in pain.

Thor rushed to his side, but Odin growled at him.

"Leave him," he said.

Loki writhed on the floor like a snake.

"How does it feel, Loki?" Odin asked.

Loki gritted his teeth and with his last ounce of strength he raised his head, defiant, to Odin.

"Sweeter than wine," he said.

Odin laughed. "I remove from you, your power," Odin said.

Loki was pushed up and was now on his knees. He screamed as a bright green light flashed around him.

Thor watched, helpless, as his brother's power was ripped from his very cells.

There were tears in Loki's eyes as he watched everything float around him.

"I strip from you your name, Odinson," Odin said.

Loki screamed again.

This time Frigga rushed forward, unable to tolerate his screams.

Thor grabbed her roughly and pulled her back. "Do not intervene, mother," he said.

"I take from you your memories of this place, of this realm, and all other realms that you have journeyed to. You will know only suffering, pain and anguish, until you meet someone who can love you for who you are," Odin said.

Loki sobbed and fell to the ground in a heap.

The green lights vanished and the room was silent.

"I banish you from Asgard until you learn what love means. I banish you to this fate until someone knows your name," Odin whispered.

Loki looked up once more; rose his hand, a feeble gesture and then it fell limply to the ground.

Frigga shrieked and ran forward to Loki. She turned him over and saw that his face was paler than usual. When she placed her hand against his skin, she found that it was ice cold.

"What have you done to him?" she asked.

Odin smiled sadly.

"I have given him a second chance."


	2. Chapter 2

"It's not you, Steve, it's me," Penelope said.

Steve studied the beads of condensation that had formed on his glass of water.

A candle's flame flickered in the middle of the table between their plates of food.

"Are you even listening to me?" Penelope asked.

Steve looked up, lost and confused. "What did you say?" he asked.

Penelope rolled her eyes and sighed. "I don't get you," she said.

"Penny, I'm sorry," Steve said.

"I'm going to use the restroom," she said. She dropped her napkin on the table and walked away from the table, away from Steve.

Steve sighed and placed his fork down. He observed Penelope as she swished away, her heels clicking on the tiles, her ass swaying seductively in the dimly lighted restaurant. He looked back down at his plate and moved the food around for a moment. He wasn't even hungry. That was a first. He looked at the candle and realized that more than likely, this would be his last date with Penny. This was the third woman that Tony had set him up with, and the last one that he would ever date. Steve loved how Tony claimed to know and understand him, yet he kept setting him up with women who clearly weren't his type. His phone buzzed and lit up on the table. It was Tony.

Tony: How goes the date with Penny?

Steve stared at the message for a minute and then locked the phone. He would get back to Tony later. He lifted his head at the sound of Penny's heels clicking back towards him.

She was laughing at something and he realized that she was on the phone.

"Oh, stop it you," she said into the receiver. She sat down and adjusted herself. "Look, I've gotta go. I'll call you later, okay, bye."

Steve resumed his slow eating and glanced up at her, wondering how much longer she would last.

She fixed her hair and pulled out a mirror from her purse. She checked her teeth and her makeup, added some lipstick and then she smiled at him.

"Like I was saying before—" she began.

"I know, it's not me, it's you," he said.

She smiled. "Yes, wait,  _what_?" she asked.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Penny, you're really sweet, but this isn't going to work out," he said. The words rolled smoothly off his tongue and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

Penny pouted and put a sad face on. "Oh Stevie, are you sure?" she asked.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life," he said stoically.

She opened her purse and pulled out some money.

He raised his hand in protest. "It's fine. I've got it," he said.

She grinned at him shyly and rose up from her seat. "Thanks babe. Look, if you're ever…interested in just…having a good time, you have my number," she said.

He nodded. "Bye, Penny," he said.

"Bye Steve," she said.

She rushed out of the restaurant, all clicking heels and legs.

Steve took one last moment to appreciate the view and then turned back to his meal.

The busboy, a greasy looking teen shook his head. "Mister, that lady looked like a supermodel," he said.

Steve looked up at him and grinned. "She was."

* * *

Tony Stark was not amused.

"She's a supermodel, Steve. I don't understand you," he said angrily.

Steve grinned at Tony. "Yeah, you don't understand me, so stop setting me up with these ridiculous women," he said.

Tony shot him a dirty look as he filled his glass with Scotch. "Penny is not a ridiculous woman…she's very…talented," he said with a smirk.

Steve made a face. "You set me up with someone you've already been with?" he asked incredulously.

"No way! I've heard things through the grapevine," Tony said. He pulled himself up on the island in the middle of Steve's kitchen and took a sip from his glass. "So this is what, number three?" he asked.

Steve bustled around the kitchen and nodded. He put his dishes in the dishwasher and set the timer. "Yep," he said.

"So there was Anya, then Indra, now Penny…I don't get it. They're all beautiful, and smart, and funny, and have amazing asses…what more could you want?" Tony asked.

Steve turned to him. "Oh I don't know, a personality, maybe?" he quipped.

"That is a low blow," Tony said.

Steve busied himself with making coffee. "I know, that was mean, I take it back. But, it's not that they're not beautiful or funny, it's just…I want something a little more meaningful," he explained.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Please, stop, you'll make me cry," he said sarcastically.

"I'm serious, Tony," Steve said.

"So you're saying I need to find you dates from the library? Come on, Steve, you need to get laid!" Tony said.

Steve blushed but did not turn around so Tony did not see it.

"Who said I didn't get laid?" Steve asked.

"Penny said. And Anya, and Indra," he quipped.

"Uh, okay, well Anya is totally lying to you because we totally…"

"You totally what? You fucked her brains out? Or did you kiss her on the cheek when she invited you up for coffee after dinner?" Tony said angrily.

Steve sighed.

"Are you allergic to beautiful women? Listen, I'm not gay, but you're a  _really_  fucking handsome man," Tony said.

Steve laughed.

"I mean it. You have a nice body, you have amazing hair, and you have those baby blue eyes that women go absolutely gaga for, and don't even get me started on your jaw line!" Tony said.

Steve walked over to Tony and shook his head. "You like my jaw line?" he asked jokingly.

"Love it," Tony said. "Oscar worthy jaw line, that one," he said.

Steve angled his neck and ran his fingers along his jaw. "I should get into the movies," he said with a laugh.

"No, you should get  _into_  some pussy," Tony said.

"Crass, as usual, sometimes I wonder how we're even friends," Steve said.

"Because if I was not around to occasionally drag you outside, you would wither up and instantly turn into an old man," Tony said.

"I  _am_  an old man," Steve said softly.

"An old man with buns of steel," Tony said making a fist.

"Shut up," Steve said. He walked over to the coffee maker and hit the switch. As he poured coffee into his cup, Tony swiveled around and faced him.

"Steve, are you gay?" he asked.

Steve continued to pour the coffee into the cup and stopped when it was almost full. When he turned around, Tony was sitting Indian style on his counter with a smile on his face.

"Am I gay?" he asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I mean, am I setting you up with the wrong people here? Should I be finding you some Marcos and Raphaels and Davids?" he asked.

Steve frowned. This was something he quite honestly had never thought of before.

"I don't know, really," he said.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Tony asked.

Steve shrugged. "I've only been with women, only dated women, I've only ever been attracted to women, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I only like _women_ ," he said.

"But…if you've never been with a man then how do you know for sure that you're not gay?" Tony asked.

"Because I've never wanted to blow a guy from just seeing his face walking down the street. Anyway, how do  _you_ know _you're_ not gay?" Steve asked, slightly annoyed.

"One, I can't believe you used the word blow and in the _right_ context, and two, please don't talk about my sexuality, okay?" Tony said.

"So it's okay to talk about mine but not about yours?" Steve asked.

"Look, I've been there, I've done it all. You've been frozen for almost 70 years. You're the one who needs to get out there, and if you have to go on some dates with guys then so be it!" Tony said.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Tony," he said.

"What?" Tony asked.

"No more set ups," he said.

"But—"

"No," Steve warned.

Tony pouted. "Were you ever fun? Like ever, at all in your life?" Tony asked jokingly.

Steve's eyes had a faraway look in them and he smiled at Tony. "Once."

* * *

Orren had been out on the streets for as long as he could remember. The summer had been a long and hot one, and was now fading away and switching itself up for the fall. The leaves had begun to change color and drop to the ground, but more importantly, the temperature had begun to drop too. Orren shivered and pulled his old jacket closer to his body for extra warmth even though he know he would get none. People walked by, dressed in warmer things, scarves, boots, even some gloves and hats had made an appearance, and they all walked right past him as though he were just a stain on the ground, almost as though he were invisible. The sun sank in the west, and so did Orren's hopes of being warm tonight. He rubbed his hands together futilely and watched as a mother and her young son walked past him. The little boy was chubby and blond and positively stumbled as his mother pulled him along. She appeared to be in a hurry but he seemed to be content to let her drag him through the streets.

"My shoes!" the boy cried.

The woman stopped abruptly and gave her son a dirty look. "Tie them," she snapped.

As the little boy bent over to tie his laces, his mother lit a cigarette and blew a thin stream of smoke into the air.

Orren observed them.

The woman caught him looking. "What are you looking at, you creep?" she asked.

Orren felt ashamed. "I'm sorry," he croaked out.

The woman grabbed her son by the shoulder and began to drag him away. "I fucking hate this city, so many useless pieces of garbage on the streets," she said, loud enough for Orren to hear as she walked away with her son.

The young boy turned his neck around to look at Orren.

Orren waved at him and smiled.

The boy smiled back and continued to allow himself to be pulled away by his mother.

And then Orren, useless piece of garbage, cried until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

"So you mean to tell me that if I don't randomly GPS your location via your cell phone I would never see you?" Natasha asked.

Steve looked up from his book, startled by the sudden intrusion. He frowned. "Natasha? What are you doing here?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and pulled out the seat across from him. "I haven't seen you in two months, Steve," she said.

He closed his book and placed it on the table next to his coffee cup. "I'm sorry, I've been a little…busy," he said lamely.

She cocked an eyebrow. "But not too busy to go on dates with supermodels, apparently," she said.

Steve blushed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Wait, did you say you GPS tracked my cell phone?" he asked.

She grinned at him. "Let's not talk about that," she said.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Natasha," he said.

She shrugged. "I work for S.H.I.E.L.D, we're above the law," she said sweetly.

Steve rolled his eyes.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked.

"Just wanted to see your face, is that a crime?" she asked.

He observed her. "I guess not," he said.

"You look good," she said with a small smile.

"So do you," he replied.

Natasha smiled and chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "So I was talking to Tony…" she began.

Steve chuckled and shook his head. "What were you talking about, do tell."

"Well, he told me about…the supermodels," she said.

"And?"

"And…that you…you don't want to go on any more dates," she said.

"You know, for a super spy, you're having a lot of difficulty with this conversation right now," he said with a smirk.

"And you know for a sensible guy you're being really dumb," she snapped.

He sighed. "I already talked to Tony about this. I just don't think the time is right," he said.

"Bullshit," she said.

"Look I'm just not ready, okay? You can't force me to be in a relationship with someone that I don't care about."

"Yeah but you're not even  _trying_ ," Natasha said.

"Why do you guys even care?" he asked.

"Because we're your friends and we _care_ about you. Since you moved to Brooklyn we hardly ever see you. Tony is the only one who sees you and when he gets back to Stark Tower it always sounds sad and depressing. All you do is box and draw," she said.

"That's not true," he said.

She sighed. "Look, I'm not here to tell you who to be with, or what to do with your life."

"Really? Because it sure sounded like that's what you were doing two seconds ago," he said.

"I'm here because we miss you… _I_  miss you," she said.

The silence settled over the two of them like a fine layer of dust.

Steve lifted his coffee cup and took a sip. He made a face when he realized that the coffee had gone cold.

"Why'd you stop fighting?" she asked.

Steve let the question linger in the air. Why  _did_ he stop fighting? He shrugged. It had been a good few months since he had suited up. "I just…got tired I guess," he said.

She made a face. "Really? You got tired?" she asked.

"I don't know. Don't you ever get sick of it? Suiting up, running around, putting your life on the line?" he asked.

"This is what we do, Steve, this is our life," she said.

"What's the point of it all?" he asked.

"To make the world a little safer. To give someone another birthday, another Christmas," she said.

"Is that S.H.I.E.L.D's new mission statement?" he asked sarcastically.

"It's mine," she said.

"I'm just taking a break," he said.

She cocked an eyebrow. "We don't get to take breaks, Rogers," she said.

"Now you sound like Fury," he joked.

"I'm serious, this is our job, our  _life_ ," she said.

Steve shook his head. "Don't we get a choice? I wanted to help people when I was younger. I wanted to do it so badly, that I put myself into a machine and allowed someone to inject me with drugs to alter my body, my basic structure…I'm not saying I'm not thankful. I'm grateful for everything I've gotten a chance to do, the lives that I've gotten to save…but what do I get for it? A bill for destroying the city? Being called a menace for doing what I love?" he asked.

"That just comes along with the job, Steve. We learn to deal with it."

"I'm just…tired, Natasha," he said.

Natasha smiled sadly. "Well…we're here for you, me, Tony, Clint, even Bruce, when shows up," she said.

He chuckled. "I really appreciate it. And I really appreciate you using illegal means to find me, but I'm okay. I  _will_  come to Stark Tower soon to see you all, I promise," he said.

She laughed. "Phones work both ways, you know," she said.

"I know, I'm sorry," he said.

"You know, you got into this for a reason, because you wanted to help, because you knew that…there was something inside of you that…no one else had," she said.

"Oh boy," he said.

"No, no, let me finish. You're probably tired, and burnt out, but that desire will never go away. I know it won't," she said.

He laughed softly. "Well let's hope you're right," he said.

She grinned. "Oh, I'm right. Believe me," she said. She glanced at her watch. "Well, I gotta go. Gotta save the world, you're welcome to come along if you like," she said getting up.

"Ah, I don't have my suit," he said making a face.

"Who cares, I could get you some S.H.I.E.L.D gear, plus you won't have to wear that ugly mask."

"My mask isn't ugly!" he said.

"It's _so_ ugly! Who told you hiding your face was a good idea? You have a good face!"

"I have to keep my identity a secret!"

"Yeah, but…the mask is ugly. End of discussion. I mean have you ever seen photos?" she asked with a laugh.

"Go away, Natasha," Steve said with a smile.

"What is this shit, I don't even get a hug?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

Steve rose up from his chair and looked at Natasha. "I said I was sorry," he said.

She shot him a dirty look and shook her head. "Apology not accepted until I see you at Stark Tower," she said.

He grinned and pulled her into a warm embrace.

She looked up into his eyes and smiled. "Come back home," she said softly.

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Go save the world."

* * *

Orren knew that roaming the streets after the sun went down was a bad idea, but he was so hungry and cold, he didn't care. He had seen what had happened to the people who walked at night. They were harassed, by police, by bored people, by other homeless people who were hopped up on drugs and alcohol. During the past two years, he had learned to avoid these situations, but today, today he found that he didn't care. He walked for several blocks without incident, clutching a five-dollar bill in his hand tightly. He couldn't believe his luck when he saw it just lying there on the pavement, like an oasis in the desert. His stomach had been burning and so despite all of the warning bells going off in his head, he had picked up the money and set off towards the closest McDonalds which was several blocks away.

His breath escaped his mouth in great puffs of white smoke and he watched them as they disappeared into the cold, Manhattan air. He heard the wail of a siren in the distance and the laughter of a group of people echoed eerily in the night. His heart was beating faster than usual and his palms were sweaty, but he kept going in the direction of McDonalds, hoping that it would provide him with some type of safety.

His heart sank when he heard the sounds of footsteps behind him, and he quickened his pace.

"Ha-ha, look at this dude, trying to walk fast and shit," said someone behind him.

Orren chewed on his lip and kept walking. He dipped his hand into his pocket and felt around for the small switchblade that he kept in his pocket.

"Hey dummy, where you going?" the person asked.

Orren increased his speed but he was not moving fast enough. Within moments he was surrounded by a group of four men, boys, he was not even sure how old they were. They all wore scarves over their mouths and he saw that all of them had objects in their hands. One of them wielded a pipe, another a bat, and the other two had canes.

The one with the bat seemed to be the leader and he approached Orren.

"Whatchu got there?" he asked in a silky voice.

Orren pulled out his switchblade and flicked the blade open. "Don't fuck with me," he said in his toughest voice.

The man with the bat laughed at him. "Look, he got himself a little…letter opener," he said.

The men around him chuckled.

"I'm warning you," Orren said in a shaky voice. He stepped back and realized that he was against a wall.

"What are you gonna do, you little faggot?" the man with the bat sneered.

Orren slashed out with the knife and the man swatted the blade away like it was a fly. The knife flew out of Orren's hand and clattered to the ground.

The man with the bat grinned and he grabbed Orren by the throat and pushed him against the wall.

Orren gurgled and coughed as the man's hands tightened around his throat.

The man squeezed and then tossed Orren to the ground.

Orren grasped his throat and coughed.

The man with the bat then walked over to him and kicked Orren in the stomach.

He rolled over and groaned and then screamed as the bat crashed down on his face. He was seeing stars for a good few moments before the pain set in. He felt something warm on his face and he knew he was bleeding.

Another one of the henchmen stepped forward and hit Orren on his stomach with the pipe.

Orren cried out, but he knew no one would come to his aid. His hand scrambled around in the darkness and when he came upon his knife, he seized it up. He slashed at the person nearest to him and he smiled when he heard their scream as the knife sunk into their flesh. The person screamed and went down on the ground and Orren did his best to scramble up.

When he was standing, he felt his face and his stomach throb from where he had been hit.

Someone came swinging and punched him in the face but he growled and punched back.

Someone hit him from behind but he didn't care. He kept his hands on the neck of the man who had punched him until the man's eyes rolled back in his head and fell to the ground.

He turned around and saw that it was only three of them now. Wait, three? He thought.

"I told you not to fuck with me," Orren growled.

The man swung at him with his pipe and he caught Orren again on his arm. He cried out in pain and then quite suddenly, the man before him fell to the ground.

He looked up and saw a mousy looking girl staring at him. She held a bat in her hand that was wet with the man's blood.

Orren looked around and realized that she had somehow managed to disarm the man with the bat and had given him a taste of his own medicine as well.

"You're so fucking stupid," she said to him. She dropped the bat on the ground and grabbed his hand. "Let's go!" she said.

He heard the wailing of the sirens in the distance and he blinked. What had just happened?

"Come on, are you gonna let the cops catch us?" she asked angrily.

He shook his head and stumbled along behind her.

She dragged him into an alley and produced a key from her pocket. She quickly inserted it into a dirty looking door and it creaked open on rusty hinges.

He stood in the alley, dazed and confused.

"I'm starting to regret helping you, dude," she said.

She reached forward and grabbed his arm. She pulled him into the dark room and closed the door just as the alley way lit up with the red and blue police lights as they zoomed by in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I just want to say thank you for all of the kudos and the lovely comments! I'm glad you guys like this and find it interesting! It really means a lot to me when I see the kudos and the great comments :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I had to rewrite the scene with Steve and Natasha like three times, lol. It was weirdly difficult for some reason. 
> 
> And I know, I know, I feel bad for Loki getting the shit kicked out of him, but at least someone saved him. Yay?
> 
> I don't know. I'll explore his injuries and his new friend in the next chapter. 
> 
> So, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!!!


	4. Chapter 4

_again tonight I sang a song, a prayer if you will_  
 _fell to the floor on blackened knees, and all the trees fell still_  
 _press my hands between my thighs, and poured the thistle milk_  
 _begged the thunder bolts to strike and mark me as alive_

* * *

Everything hurt – it hurt to breathe, to blink, to move, to fucking  _swallow_. Orren lay on the ground in a miserable heap, moaning softly as the girl who had saved him tinkered around in the darkness a few feet away. Within moments, the room was filled with a dim light coming from some stubby candles. He began to make out strange shapes looming in the darkness and the flames cast strange shadows onto the floor.

Orren coughed and tasted something metallic in his mouth. He brought his hand up to his lips and winced as he felt an open wound. At some point during the scuffle, he had suffered a busted lip, along with a litter of other injuries. He knew that his left eye was swollen, and he felt a deep, throbbing pain in his abdomen. How could he have been so stupid to roam the streets at this late hour? He kicked himself mentally for being so foolish, for being so  _fucking_  stupid. He deserved it all. He closed his eyes and for a moment, he saw the man's eyes staring at him. He saw a flame burning in those eyes, a flame that Orren had somehow ignited by simply existing.

The girl walked over to him, her shoes making almost no sound on the cold floor. She knelt beside him and observed his face in the flickering light. He knew he must look terrible, more terrible than usual.

He took this time to inspect his rescuers face. She looked young; yet there was something about her that seemed…ancient. Her eyes were large and luminous and her hair fell limply to her shoulders. There was some kind of sadness in her eyes, and she had a faint scar on her cheek that ran from the corner of her mouth to the base of her ear.

"It's rude to stare," she said.

He blushed and averted his eyes from her face.

Her cool fingertips brushed against his skin and he shuddered.

"I have water, can you sit up?" she asked.

He nodded even though he wasn't sure if he could.

She offered him her arm and he used it to pull himself up to a sitting position. He leaned back against a brick wall and winced in pain as he shifted his weight.

She handed him a bottle of water and he accepted it gratefully. He put the bottle up to his lips and did his best to get the tepid water into his mouth and down his throat. He managed to get some of it down and then he choked on it. The water sputtered out of his mouth and he wiped his face with the back of his hand, embarrassed.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Orren," he said.

"What kind of name is that?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I wish I knew."

"Where you from, Orren?" she asked, sitting on the ground.

"I don't remember," he said with a bitter smile. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Lilly," she said.

He nodded and closed his eyes. "Thank you, Lilly," he said softly.

"They beat you up pretty good," she said.

"I deserved it," he said.

"No one deserves that," she said.

He felt tears sting at his eyes. "Do you live here?" he asked, trying to take his mind off what had happened.

"I live everywhere," she said. "But, I decided to stay here for the winter," she finished.

"How did you get the key?" he asked.

She grinned and licked her lips. "You don't want to know, Orren," she said softly.

Orren winced in pain as something stabbed him in the side.

"You should probably go to a hospital," she said.

He shook his head. "I try to stay away from those," he said.

"I don't blame you. What were you doing out there? You should know better than to be outside at this hour, especially with those hood rats lurking about," she said.

He dipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled five-dollar bill. "I was hungry," he said softly.

"Aren't we all," she said quietly.

Orren felt his eyes burn with tears again and Lilly rose up.

"I'm going to get some water and a rag to clean up your face," she said.

He nodded and smiled weakly at her. "Thank you," he said.

He watched as Lilly disappeared into the darkness.

He closed his eyes and allowed the tears to fall.

* * *

"Peggy, what are you doing?" Steve asked.

Peggy shook her head and smiled at him sadly.

Steve walked up to her and stumbled back in horror when he realized that Peggy's lips had been sewn shut. He could see the thin, black thread and the little bits of dried blood where the needle had been savagely pulled through her delicate flesh.

"Peggy," he whispered.

There were tears in her eyes but she held the gun out in front of her and she did not tremble.

"Please," he said.

His ears were filled with the deafening roar of the gunshot and the bullet hit him in the chest. He cried out and fell to the ground. He felt warm blood pouring from the wound and he wondered why he didn't have his armor on. He looked around for his shield but to his dismay, he saw nothing but rocks. Blood seeped through his mouth and he spit it out onto the ground.

Peggy walked towards him, the threads now ripped open. Her lips were blood red, but Steve realized in horror that it was not lipstick on her lips but actual blood.

"You left me, Steve Rogers," she said.

He coughed up blood and shook his head. "No, I didn't, Peggy I'm sorry," he said.

"You didn't come back for me to take me dancing like you promised," she said.

Steve shook his head. "I'm sorry, Peggy!" he screamed.

Her eyes blazed with anger and she held the gun out in front of her again.

"Good bye, Steve Rogers," she said softly.

She pulled the trigger.

Steve bolted upright in his bed, his heart racing a mile a minute. His chest heaved up and down and he immediately ripped off the thin tank that he had been sleeping in. He tossed the damp piece of clothing onto the ground and allowed himself to fall back onto his pillows. Another nightmare, he mused. He closed his eyes and saw Peggy's face in his mind, he saw her lips and the thread and the  _blood_. He turned on his side and sighed. He knew he would not get any more sleep tonight.

Ten minutes later he sat at the island in his kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hands. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 3:00 am. He took a sip of hiscoffee and he suddenly remembered Tony, sitting on his kitchen island only a few weeks earlier. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Tony's number.

Of course he answered after one ring. Steve knew Tony never slept.

"It's three am," Tony said.

"Were you sleeping?" Steve asked.

Tony snorted. "Of course not," he said.

"Well then what's the problem?" Steve asked.

"Is this a booty call?" Tony asked.

"What's a booty call?" Steve asked.

Tony laughed. "Never mind. What's on your mind, Cap?" he asked.

Steve remained silent for a moment. His heart felt heavy.

"Steve?" Tony said.

"Yeah, I'm here, sorry, just having a weird night," he said.

"Everything okay?" Tony asked gently.

Steve screwed up his face. "I don't know, Tony," he said in a low voice.

"Was it the dream again?" Tony asked.

Steve looked up at the clock. He looked at the second hand as it clipped time away, beat after beat.

He felt his heart beat in his chest.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"I'm coming over," Tony said.

"No. It's fine. I'm  _fine_ ," he lied.

"Shut up, I'm putting the suit on and I'll be there in five minutes," Tony said.

"Tony," Steve said.

Tony had already hung up.

Steve shook his head and placed the phone down on the table. What was he going to do with Tony Stark?

* * *

Orren made a face as Lilly placed the hot rag on the side of his face.

"Stop being a baby," she said.

"I just got the shit beaten out of me," he said.

"I'm sure there's a little bit left in there," she said.

He grinned.

"You have beautiful eyes, has anyone ever told you that?" she asked.

"No," he said quietly.

"So you really don't know where you're from?" she asked.

She dipped the rag in the warm water and wrung it out. She pressed it against his face and he winced.

"No. I woke up one day and I was just…I don't know where I'm from, who I am, I just know my name," he said.

"Well at least you know something," she said.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," she said.

"You just look very young," he said.

"I get that a lot. That's the best I can do for your face for now. Now let's get those clothes off so I can see what else they did to you," she said.

Orren lifted his hand in protest. "No, I'll be fine," he said.

"Come on, don't be stupid," she said.

"No, I said I'll be fine," he snapped. Orren immediately regretted it, as it came out a little harsher than he had intended to. "I'm sorry," he said.

She shrugged. "I don't have any Tylenol, but I have something else that can help with the pain," she said with a small smile.

Orren looked up at Lilly.

She pulled out a small plastic bag from her pocket and dangled it in front of him.

"Got some skag to warm us up," she said with a smile. "I'll be back," she said.

Orren watched her again as she melted into the darkness and he cursed below his breath. What was he getting himself into? He groaned as another bout of pain shot through him and he placed his hand on his side.

He stared into the flames of one of the candles closest to him. Suddenly, something drifted into his mind, something about a boy flying too close to the sun and falling down, down, down, until he drowned in the sea.

Orren wondered just how close he was to the sun, and how much time he had left before he too fell from the sky into the sea and drowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks. I have worked all day on this chapter! As you can see, there is a little something something happening with Tony and Steve, but honestly I'm not sure if Tony is just being a good friend, or if there is something there. I haven't decided yet, so I guess I'll just wait to see where the story takes me. I initially wanted it to be Steve/Loki, but it's still very early so we have time! 
> 
> Also, in the words of the wise girl from that taco commercial, why can't we have both? 
> 
> I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think!
> 
> And thank you for the kudos and the comments :)
> 
> I'm sure everyone has heard now of the tragedy in Newtown. I just wanted to say that it is so sad what happened and I feel like there is so much that needs to be done in our country about gun regulations and also more awareness on mental health issues. I don't want to rant but, just please remember those brave people who gave their lives to protect those children, and remember those sweet kids who lost their lives way too early. <3


	5. Chapter 5

_she said 'hello I'm a monster too, what poisons me is what poisons you'_

_into these animals we grew, but when we were young our eyes were blue  
I take my medicine on my knee, twice a day but lately three  
keeps the devil from my door and it makes me rich and it makes me poor_

_I'm a beggar in the morning, I'm a king at night  
  
my belt is lose but my trigger is tight_

* * *

"Can you bring me a sweater? It's cold as shit up here," said Tony.

Steve frowned. "Where  _are_ you?" he asked.

"On the roof, obviously," he quipped.

"What are you doing on the roof, Tony?" Steve asked tersely.

"Stop being a grandma and bring me a sweater!" he snapped before hanging up.

Steve stared up at the ceiling and shook his head.

A few moments later, sweater in hand, he found himself climbing up the dusty steps to his roof. He procured the key from his pocket and slipped it into the keyhole. He found Tony sitting on the edge of the building, shivering.

"Jesus H. Christ, what took you so long? I thought I would turn into a Popsicle up here," he said. He stood up and walked over to Steve. He grabbed the sweater and pulled it over his head. When he looked down at it he rolled his eyes. "Did you  _have_  to grab the ugliest sweater in your closet?" he asked.

Steve lifted an eyebrow and grinned. " _You_  bought me that for Christmas last year," he said.

"I did?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Steve said.

"I bought you a  _present_?"

"You're an asshole," Steve said. He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked over to the edge of the building.

"That is not a nice thing to say to someone who just flew from another borough to bring you pizza and mozzarella sticks," Tony said frowning.

Steve did not respond. He stared in the direction of Manhattan and watched the skyline twinkle in the distance.

"I'm kidding. I remember buying it," he said.

Steve ignored him.

"Okay, I'm totally lying. I told my assistant to buy you something," he said.

Steve turned around and there was the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. "It's okay, Tony," he said.

Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked at Steve who looked tired and drawn. "What happened this time?" he asked.

Steve tilted his head back and looked into the sky. He waited a few moments before answering Tony's question.

"She shot me."

" _Again_?"

"Yeah. Twice. Her lips were all…sewn up with black thread. I don't know what the hell that means," he said.

"Did she say anything?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah, something about not taking her dancing," he said.

"I know we talked about this before but, are you  _sure_  you don't want to see—"

"I don't  _want_  to see a therapist, Tony," Steve said.

"I'm not saying you're a crazy person. People have weird dreams all the time, but, maybe you should speak to someone about it, it helps," Tony said.

"I don't want to talk to anyone about it."

Tony curled his fingers into a fist.

"Why are you so damn stubborn?" Tony asked sharply.

"Why should I have to talk about her? Why should I tell some…complete stranger about Peggy?" Steve asked angrily. "She's mine. She's my burden, my curse, whatever the hell she is…I shouldn't have to tell anyone else about her."

"Fuck that. Who the fuck is she that she gets to own so much of you?" Tony snapped back.

"I love her," Steve said.

"You  _loved_  her, Steve. Peggy was ages ago, close that chapter,  _move on_ ," Tony said.

"How can you tell me to just  _move on_?"

"Because it's been over 70 years!"

"That's a fucked up thing to say," Steve said.

"Someone has got to tell you the truth."

"And of course you're the appointed person to do that," Steve said sarcastically.

Tony was fuming. "You're god damned right I am!" he shouted.

His voice echoed in the night sky.

Steve did not respond but his mouth was set in a thin, angry line.

Tony sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said.

Steve waved him away. "No, I should be the one apologizing. You came all this way, and you bought me pizza."

"And mozzarella sticks," Tony added.

Steve chuckled lightly. "And mozzarella sticks," he echoed.

"Look, I don't want to tell you what to do—"

"You  _really_ need to stop hanging out with Natasha so much, you're starting to sound alike," Steve said. He walked over to the box of pizza and removed two slices. He handed one to Tony and bit into the other one.

"I resent that, if anything, she's starting to sound like  _me_ ," Tony huffed.

"What are you really doing here, Tony?" Steve asked.

Tony shrugged. "Helping out a friend in need?" he asked.

"Do you ever…sometimes wish that things were different?" Steve asked.

"Like what?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. Maybe I need a change of scenery."

"Yeah, like Stark Tower, Brooklyn is a bad, bad place," Tony said.

"I'm serious, Tony. When was the last time you looked up into the sky and saw stars?  _Without_ the suit," he said.

Tony screwed up his face and bit into his pizza. "I can't fucking remember, but I'm not bored, Steve. There's always something to do here, this is the city that never sleeps," he said.

"And you're the man that never sleeps," Steve said with a short laugh. He watched as his breath condensed in the air and drifted away from him.

"Absolutely," Tony said.

"When is it all going to end?" Steve asked sadly.

Tony shrugged. "I guess…when I fly too close to the sun," he said with a sad smile.

Steve looked up into the sky. "Too close to the sun," he murmured.

* * *

Orren watched Lily as she worked. It was almost as though she were in some type of trance. Using one of the candles that she had lit up earlier and a bent spoon, she had set to work with the white powder in the bag she had flashed in front of him earlier. He watched as she mixed the powder with some kind of liquid in the spoon. A few moments later, she placed a small piece of cotton on the spoon to break up the clumps that had formed in the spoon.

Orren felt his heart beat wildly in his chest. What would she say when he told her that he had never done this before? He cleared his throat.

"Lily, I…I don't know if I should do this," he said.

She smiled but didn't look up at him. "Orren, this is going to be good, trust me," she said.

He looked at her, unsure.

"I try to stay away from those things," he said meekly.

She looked up at him and smiled. "There's always a first time for everything."

"I don't know..." he said in a low voice.

She shook her head. "It's really not that bad, Orren, you'll love it, I promise, now roll up your sleeve, you need something for the pain anyway," she said.

He watched her as she procured a syringe from a small container. She pressed the needle into the spoon and the liquid was slowly sucked up into the plastic chamber. She got up and walked over to where he was sitting. She placed the needle between her teeth and pulled out something that looked like a large rubber band. She gently took his arm rolled up his sleeve. When she was done, she tied a tourniquet above his elbow.

"You'll feel so good, Orren, I promise," she murmured.

He watched in rapt silence as she ran her fingertips along his skin, skimming for a vein.

"What will this feel like?" he asked, his voice cracking.

She smiled at him. "Like everything you've ever wanted," she whispered. When she finally found what she was looking for, she pressed the tip of the needle against his skin.

He grimaced as the needle pierced his flesh. When she removed the needle, she looked into his eyes.

"You should feel it soon," she said.

He nodded dumbly and stared down at his arm as she untied the rubber band.

It came slowly, warmth, gentle, creeping up from his toes, up his legs, his fingertips, his palms, all slowly creeping towards his core. He felt his eyes close and quite suddenly, all of his pain vanished as though someone had simply flicked a switch.

"Lily," he said softly. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

She had a needle in her arm and her eyes were glassy. She smiled at him.

Orren couldn't do anything else but smile right back at her. He felt as though he had slipped into a pool made of sunlight. He lifted his hand and looked at his fingers and marveled at how, for the first time, he was feeling  _warm_ , not just on the outside, but on the  _inside._  The warmth continued to travel throughout his body; he felt phantom fingers on his spine touching him, soothing him, telling him that everything was okay. The warmth slowly made it's way up to his brain and then he was smiling.

"Mmm…Orren, isn't it beautiful?" Lily asked.

She got up and staggered over to him. She sat next to him and wrapped her arm around his.

"You're so warm," he said to her.

She grinned. "No, you're warm," she said.

 _So this is what it feels like_ …he thought to himself.

"How does it feel?" she asked him sleepily.

"It feels…like I'm on the sun. Like I'm free, there are no walls, and my heart is full…" he rambled.

She grinned and held onto him tightly.

"And your pain?" she asked.

He chuckled. "A mere memory," he whispered.

"Tell me a story, Orren," she said.

"I don't know any," he said.

"Make one up."

"Once upon a time, there was a prince…he was lonely…he left his home searching for something that would make his heart sing…he became lost…"

"Hmm, how will he ever find his way back home?" she asked.

"I think he was eaten by a dragon," he said.

"That's the worst story I've ever heard," she said.

"I know," he murmured. "I don't know who I am, Lily," he said with a smile on his face.

"You're lucky."

"Why?" he asked sleepily.

She laughed softly. "You get to choose who you want to become, Orren," she said. "You get to choose your destiny," she whispered.

"I am a beggar," he said with a laugh. "What destiny do I have?" he asked.

"You can be a king…" she said, her voice trailing off.

He chuckled. "I am a king…" he said as his eyes closed.

"Yes…you are a king," she echoed softly.

* * *

Steve and Tony sat on the edge of the building, their feet dangling over the edge.

"Aren't you scared you'll fall?" Steve asked.

Tony shrugged. "I'm not scared of heights," he said. "Plus, I have these," he said lifting his hands. He showed Steve the bracelets that would activate his suit.

"Oh yeah," Steve said.

A short moment of silence passed between them. "What do you think these dreams mean Tony? I mean honestly, no bullshit," Steve said.

Tony lifted an eyebrow and then he looked down at the street below.

"I think you're…feeling guilty about something. You just can't seem to let her go, to let her rest in peace…" he said.

"You don't think she's like…a ghost?" Steve asked in a small voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tony asked.

Steve laughed. "I'm joking, I'm joking," he said.

"I'm glad you can joke about it," Tony said. "But seriously, there's something inside of you that…hasn't melted yet," Tony said.

"Please don't say my penis," Steve said.

Tony laughed out loud. "Wow! That was unexpected, I was not thinking that, I swear," he said putting his hands up.

Steve laughed. He looked over at Tony and felt a warmth in his chest.

Tony turned and smiled at him. "What's up Cap?" he asked.

Steve shook his head. "Nothing," he said.

"No, tell me," Tony nudged.

Steve chuckled. "It's nothing," he said.

"Oh come on," Tony pleaded.

"I was just…thinking how lucky I am to have a friend like you," he said.

"Oh Cap, you'll make me blush," he said.

"I'm serious. Thank you, for everything," Steve said.

Tony smiled. "You know I'll always be here for you," he said.

"I know," Steve said.

They sat together in silence.

"How about we go somewhere?" Tony asked.

"Where?" Steve asked.

Tony shrugged. "Anywhere, pick a place, we'll go there," he said.

"I don't know, Tony," Steve said.

"Come on, live a little," Tony whined. "We could hop a plane and be in Italy by later today," he said.

Steve laughed. "What am I going to do in Italy?" he asked.

Tony shrugged. "Eat gelato? Eat pizza?" he asked.

"You don't even have to pack clothes, we can buy everything when we get there," Tony said.

"I appreciate it but—"

"You know what, this is non-negotiable," Tony snapped. He swung his legs over the side of the roof and walked over to his suit. "Let's go Steve," he said.

"What? I'm in pajamas!" Steve exclaimed.

"Well go put some pants on! And grab your passport," Tony said.

Steve sighed.

Within a few moments, Tony was back in his suit and his hand was on his hip.

"Stop being a grandma. I'll be back in an hour to pick you up," Tony said.

He flipped his mask down and flew off.

Steve watched Tony as he flew away towards the city. He looked down at his pajamas and chuckled. Despite the fact that he was very annoyed, he had to admit that he was a little excited.

He made his way downstairs and begrudgingly began to look for his passport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thank you for all of the kudos and the comments! They are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> I wanted to ask, do you guys feel like there is something between Tony and Steve in this story that is worth exploring? I've been toying with the idea but I'm still unsure. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your thoughts! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


	6. Chapter 6

Steve did not want to admit it, but getting out of Brooklyn was starting to feel like a really good idea. He was horribly jet-lagged, but as he pulled the thick hotel curtain open and he stared out into the streets of Rome, he felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. Here he was, in  _Rome._ Only 8 hours ago, he had been on his roof eating pizza in Brooklyn. Now he was here, in this place, somewhere new, with new faces and foods and smells, and he was actually  _excited._

Tony was sprawled out on one of the two beds. His face was buried into a large, fluffy pillow. "So, should we hit the town?" he asked in a muffled voice.

Steve smiled. "I'm actually  _really_ fucking tired, Iron Man," he said.

Tony laughed dryly into his pillow. "Shut up," he said.

Steve plopped down onto his own bed and flipped through the hotel's brochure that he had picked up from the nightstand table. "It says there's an indoor pool here, also a sauna, hot tubs, and Jacuzzis,  _and_ they're available for use 24/7," Steve said.

Tony turned his head to face Steve. "The idea of sinking into a hot tub is really turning me on right now," he said.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Well then, we will not be doing  _that_ ," he said.

Tony laughed. "Whatever grandma, grab your bathing suit and let's go!" he said.

"Wait, to the hot tub?" Steve asked.

"No, to the fucking moon,  _yes_  Steve, the hot tub," Tony said exasperatedly.

"Well, I didn't bring a bathing suit," Steve said.

"Well then you can get in with your boxers, who gives a shit?" Tony asked. He rolled onto his back and pulled himself up to a sitting position.

Steve took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. He felt the tension that had been building in his shoulders ease slightly and then he smiled wanly at Tony.

"Okay, let's go," he said.

Tony lifted an eyebrow. "Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really," he said.

"You mean I won't have to get into a discussion with you that lasts at least 20 minutes as to why—"

"You're losing me," Steve warned.

"Okay, okay, I'm done. Let's go!"

* * *

Twenty ridiculous minutes later, after getting lost four times and then finally making it to the lobby where someone literally took them by the hand and walked them to the hot tubs, they both sat in the hot water, soaking their tired limbs.

" _This_  is heaven," Tony moaned.

Steve opened one eye and looked at him. "Can you be in here with that thing?" he asked.

Tony tapped the reactor lightly. "This old thing?" he asked with a small smile. "It's fine -  _waterproof_. How else would I shower? You think I don't shower?" Tony asked.

Steve grinned. "Sometimes you're in the lab for days,  _weeks_  on end."

"Yeah but I shower, I love showers," Tony said.

"Yeah, okay," Steve said with a small smile.

"You don't believe me?" Tony asked. He splashed some water over in Steve's direction.

"Oh, you shouldn't play that game with me," Steve said with a laugh.

Tony put his hands up in a mock surrender. "I give up, I give up," he said.

"Of course you do, you know you don't stand a chance against Captain America."

Tony grinned and splashed more water on Steve. "Shut the hell up, I can take you on any day," he said.

"I'd like to see you try, metal man," Steve teased.

Tony lunged forward creating a large splash of water, a devilish grin plastered on his face.

Steve reached out and grabbed Tony's wrist in a vice-like grip. He pulled him close to him and soon, they were pressed up against each other, uncomfortably close.

Steve suddenly found himself aware of how close Tony was to him. The arc reactor gave off it's gentle, blue light, and it felt cold when it touched his bare flesh. Steve felt a wave of goose bumps erupt on his skin.

Tony fidgeted in Steve's grip.

"Steve, you're hurting me," Tony whispered.

Steve quickly let go of Tony's wrist and felt his face redden with embarrassment.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's fine," Tony said with a small smile. He waded back to where he had been before and he closed his eyes.

Steve saw the red mark that he had left on Tony's wrist just before he put both of his hands below the water.

"I really didn't mean to do that," Steve said.

"I know. You don't have to apologize," Tony said.

Steve went over to Tony and gently pulled his hand up to examine it. The skin on Tony's wrist was clearly bruised.

"I didn't realize how…"

"How fragile us mortals are?" Tony asked with a small grin.

"Hey I'm a mortal," Steve said in a slightly wounded voice.

"I know," Tony said.

Steve gently ran the pad of his thumb across the little bruises on Tony's skin.

"You're just a little…superhuman sometimes," he said.

Steve chuckled. "Superhuman."

Tony and Steve locked eyes for a moment. Steve could see the little flutter of Tony's eyelids, a slight flare in his nostril; he could see the clenching and unclenching of his jaw.

"Is that a bad thing?" Steve asked.

Tony shrugged. "N…no…" he stuttered.

"Do I make you nervous, Tony?" Steve asked.

"I feel like you're about to kiss me, or something," he said with a little chuckle.

Steve leaned in closer to Tony, his lips touching his ear. "Should I?" he asked.

Tony felt himself turning scarlet. He had never been this way around anyone before. He felt as though someone had sent him back in the 5th grade, where he was hovering in front of Sally Perkins, waiting to kiss her. His heart hammered rapidly in his chest.

Steve placed a hand on Tony's chest and ran his thumb over the arc reactor.

"Steve, what are you doing?" Tony asked in a small voice.

Steve moved his lips from Tony's earlobe to his jawbone. He dragged them along Tony's tender flesh, slowly, and stopped right before he hit his lips.

Tony felt his breath hitch in his throat. "Steve what are you…"

Suddenly, Steve began to giggle and he pulled away from Tony. "Gotcha," he said softly.

Tony's look of confusion turned into one of anger. "What the fuck, Steve?" he asked angrily.

Steve laughed. "Oh man, oh that was good," he said.

"What the hell was that?" Tony asked.

"Just messing with you," Steve said.

" _Messing_  with me?" Tony asked angrily. His eyes flashed dangerously and he stood up.

"Tony where are you going?" Steve asked, wiping tears from his eyes.

Tony stormed off angrily.

"Tony!"

Tony didn't look back. He grabbed a robe and slipped into it. He pulled open the door and walked out, slamming it shut behind him.

Steve looked at the trail of wet footprints that trailed from the edge of the hot tub to the door. He realized that Tony had left in such a rush he had forgotten to put on his slippers. He quickly gathered their things and headed out the door. He found Tony standing in front of the elevator.

"You forgot these," Steve said. He dropped the slippers on the floor.

"I don't want them," Tony said angrily. He pushed the button on the elevator rapidly. "The  _hell_  is wrong with these elevators?" he asked.

"Tony I'm sorry," Steve said.

Tony flashed him a dirty look. "To hell with this, I'm taking the stairs," he huffed. He left Steve standing at the elevator, alone.

Ten minutes later, a very tired Tony finally made it up to the 8th floor. He rolled his eyes when he saw Steve leaning against their room door.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked exasperatedly.

"How exactly were you planning on getting into the room?" Steve asked, waving the key cards in front of Tony's face.

Tony attempted to snatch them out of Steve's hand, but Steve was too quick for him.

"I'll just get another room. I'll  _buy_  this entire fucking hotel!" Tony said.

"Tony, look, I was just having a bit of fun, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"I don't know what kind of dictionary you're reading from—"

"Are you mad that I tried to kiss you or that I didn't finish?" Steve asked with a wry grin.

Tony folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not answering that question," he said.

"Why not?" Steve asked.

"Because you're stupid."

"Really? Stupid is all you could come up with?" Steve asked.

"Yes, stupid," Tony snapped.

"What do I have to do to prove that I'm sorry?" Steve asked with a pout.

Tony's eyes flashed darkly. "Kiss me," he said.

"What?" Steve asked, suddenly confused.

"Kiss me. If it was all just a joke, a game, then kiss me," he said.

Steve blinked and licked his lips.

Tony lifted an eyebrow, a challenge.

* * *

Orren was on his knees. He looked down in the toilet before him and retched again. He hated the feeling of it rising up in his throat and then spewing out of his mouth. He hung his head over the bowl and closed his eyes as every last bit of nourishment that was in his body, disappeared into the dingy toilet. He reached forward and feebly pulled the handle. He watched as all of the vomit swirled around and around until it was sucked down into the sewer. He remained on the ground, breathing deeply, finally feeling much better than he had in a while.

Lily entered the bathroom and smiled at him. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

He looked up at her. Her face appeared hollow looking in the bathroom light. He could see her more clearly now, the dirty clothes, her hair in tangles, tied up in a messy bun, the dirt under her fingernails. Perhaps what scared him the most were the little dark spots on her arms. She unconsciously ran her fingers along the skin on her arm and he shuddered.

"How long have you been doing this?" he asked.

"What?"

"The drugs," he said.

She chuckled. "Long enough, Orren," she said. She looked at him and then looked down at her arm. "Oh, are you looking at these?" she asked. She walked over to him and sat next to him on the ground. "These are my scars, my…souvenirs, I call them," she said with a small smile.

"Why souvenirs?" he asked.

"They remind me of the places I've been," she said.

"Why do you do it?" Orren asked.

Lily pulled out a cigarette that had been tucked behind her ear. She lit it and quickly inhaled. "It feels good," she said simply.

"There must be more than just that," he said.

"Aren't there things you just want to forget?" she asked.

"There are things I wish I could remember," he said sadly.

"You're probably better off without all that shit anyway," she said bitterly.

Orren watched as the smoke flew from Lily's lips and danced in the air. He thought about the past two years of his life, where he had been and what he had seen.

"I wish I could remember…everything," he said.

"I wish I could forget it all. Maybe we could switch brains," she said with a laugh.

"I don't know who I am, I don't know where I'm from…I have no identity—"

"That's bullshit, you're  _you_ , you're Orren! That should be enough!" Lily said.

"But it's not!" he said angrily. He turned to her. "Don't you see? Your identity, the people who you…grew up with…those things, the places you saw, the things you did, they all make you who you are…I don't have any of that. I don't remember if I had a fucking dog…I don't know if I had a brother…a lover? I just wake up one morning and…I'm in some alley way and all I know…is that my name is Orren, I mean don't you think it's strange?" he asked.

Lily chewed on this information. "So why don't we try to figure out who you are?" she asked after some time.

"How?" he asked.

"I mean, have you ever gone back to where you woke up?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Well we should start there," she said with a small smile.

"It was two years ago, there won't be anything there…"

"But it might jog some memories for you, come on, think about it. Why haven't you ever gone back?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know," he said.

"Well good, we'll start there, but…I'll need your help with something first," she said.

"With what?" he asked.

She grinned. "I have some things that I need to…sell," she said cryptically.

"I don't understand."

She pulled herself up to a standing position. "The stuff that we used, that shit isn't free, Orren, I have to work for it," she said. "And if you want more, you'll have to work for it too."

"Who said I wanted more?" he asked. He positioned himself over the toilet as he felt yet another wave of nausea hit him.

"You always want more," she said quietly.

She left the bathroom as he spewed more vomit into the toilet bowl.

* * *

Orren closed his eyes and allowed the cool, inky blackness of the room to wash over him. His throat felt raw, and his stomach was empty. There was nothing left in him to give. He had rinsed his mouth in the sink and had hobbled back to the little heap of blankets and pillows where he had spent the night at Lily's side. He thought back to the needle piercing his flesh,  _the warmth_. He looked at his fingers and he could barely make them out in the dark. He thought of how the warmth that had crept up from his hands, through his skin, through his veins, and to his heart. That had been the first time he had…felt… _anything_  in the past two years. He had been on the streets, scavenging for food, begging, sleeping on street corners, being hassled by the police, being made fun of, being beaten and kicked around, and for the first time he had felt warm and safe and  _accepted._ The liquid that had run through his veins accepted him for who he was, and made him feel  _good_  and he knew deep down inside, that was all that he ever really wanted.

He closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into the blankets.

He knew it then, just as he had known it last night, he wanted the warmth, again. And he would do whatever it took to get it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I did not forget you guys! I've been working on this chapter for a while and decided to just post up what I have so far. It was really getting out of hand so I need to start working on tightening up the plot so it can move a long a little faster. 
> 
> Right now, I'm having so much fun writing Steve and Tony, which is why the Orren/Lily portion was a little short. I think the next chapter I'll work on focusing more on Orren and Lily so I can move their storyline along, and I'm also still debating on what kind of relationship Steve and Tony will have. Any suggestions?
> 
> Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Do let me know what you think as this is still very much a work in progress. 
> 
> Oh and Happy New Year!!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you think? I would appreciate any comments and suggestions. Once again, not sure where this story is heading yet, but I know it will be a Steve Rogers/Loki pairing, so if you're into that stuff, stick around! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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